In my June 17^th post, I talked about how we weren’t brought up to talk about money.  If it was talked about,  it was with subtle and not so subtle messages for us to figure out ourselves.  And, like most things, the interpretation of those messages are subject to the idiosyncrasies of the listener.  The message is reinterpreted from our own unique being, from our ears, our minds and our hearts.  So, that message ends up playing out in our finances in unique ways.

Andrew sent me an e-mail message in response to that post demonstrating this so well.  Your post “…reminds me that I grew up with a father who described himself as a “child of the depression.”  My brother, who loved the good life would quip – “and I am a grandchild of the depression” and then drive off in his Jaguar.  I think I have inherited my father’s tendencies.  My father, a Princeton professor, would get a thrill out of finding and buying a pair of new shoes for $4.99 (1983), special ordering the most basic, stripped down version of an entry-level car -Toyota Tercel, yet maintained a beautiful home in Princeton and a summer home on the coast of Maine and sent 4 kids to college.”

Same family – two different responses to the same message.   One is confirming his father’s behavior, the other is negating the behavior.  Which is “correct?”  Neither!  Both can be life-affirming as long as the belief and resultant behavior has been examined and reflects the deeper values of the individual.  Only we in our own uniqueness can decide what behavior best fits our financial beliefs and values.

What’s your story?  Do you have a similar story to tell of your family?  I know my three sons’ behavior around money is as different as night and day – but that’s a story for another time.  Tell me yours!

Another day without sun!  I’m molding, I’m molding……..

Today is not only Father’s Day but also my Wedding Anniversary. It got me thinking about how we have been programmed to expect certain things on these days. There are countless jokes about making the wrong gift decision – or just plain forgetting

“Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Wednesday.”

Yes, it’s funny – but how do jokes like this burrow into our subconscious and influence our gift giving? We’re told the gift should be big and flashy – and also if we don’t get it right we’re in big trouble. And, for those of us on the receiving end – is it possible to be happy with something less? No wonder so many of us have problems giving and receiving. How do we even know what is important to us when we’ve been fed these messages all of our lives.

So next time you’re on the line to either give or receive – take time to think about what really puts value and joy into your life. Don’t buy into the old messages (or the new ones coming our way every day). Make the day your own!

So what happened on my anniversary? No gifts – just a “planned” day of no obligations, no expectations. Just a day for us – a day of relaxation and remembering why we are together.

Thanks, Wayne – 12 big years and still counting!

Sex and money – what do they have in common? They’re the last two topics we don’t talk openly about in America. Or, at least most of us are taught that money is something to keep quiet about.

I remember back in elementary school when I was asked to fill out a questionnaire about family income. “How much does your father earn (back before women’s lib)? I remember having absolutely no clue. Was it $200? $2,000? $20,000? If we ever talked about this at the dinner table, I must have been daydreaming!

But, by then I had already picked up some hints about our money situation. Dad was a car dealer, so we always had new cars – that must mean we had money, right? But, our favorite car could be gone in a minute if someone wanted to buy it. Must mean we needed money – we loved that car and now it was gone!

And, I continued this legacy when I raised my kids. I remember my son Kilian asking to go to McDonald’s for lunch. I explained that we really didn’t have the money for us to go today – we needed to watch our dollars. Later that day at the grocery store, he turned to me with tears in his eyes – “Do we have enough money for apples?”

So, not talking about money leaves us in confusion. How much is enough? How much do we deserve? Why is money always lacking? What’s it all about, Alfie?

What do you think? Tell me about your first experience with money. What do you remember? Is this experience still reflected in your finances today? I know it is for me – one day I can’t afford new jeans on sale – and the next day I buy a new car! What’s that about?

Back home in Maine – “The Way Life Should Be.”   Really?

Hi, I’m Jane Honeck.  I’ve been a CPA for over thirty years working with clients on tax and financial issues.  And, during those years I’ve been told that I’m not your typical accountant – I’ve even been called a psycho-accountant (no I’m not crazy).  And, I’m proud of that because I’d hate to think I’m the stereotypical accountant – boring, lifeless with no personality.  Did you ever wonder why there aren’t any accountant jokes?  Because there is nothing funny about an accountant – and they are just too boring to bother with!

Seriously though, money doesn’t have to be a dry, boring topic.  Because the truth is, the problem with money is not about the money.  Instead, it’s about the beliefs and values that drive the way we deal with money.  And, exploring those beliefs and values is about people – and people never are boring!

I remember working with a young couple years ago who wanted to clear up their overwhelming credit card debt.  I taught John and Sharon all about credit card debt; about interest rates and about the tools they could use to pay off this debt.  I reviewed their budget to help them make wise spending decisions.  They left my office fully committed to making the changes needed to get out from under the debt.

And, 10 years later, they were back – not with the hoped for “problem” of how to invest their excess money.  No, they were back with the same problem – only this time the credit card debt had grown to keep up with their increasing income.  I knew then that the problem with money was not about the money!  It was clear that just talking about the mechanics of finances wasn’t enough.  Left brain solutions weren’t going to solve the problem. 

So, this blog is going to be about unearthing the beliefs and values that keep us stuck and prevent us from reaching our financial goals.  And, we won’t be looking at this from only a personal perspective; we’ll also be looking at it from a business, national and world perspective.  Because needless to say, we are today’s financial mess together and together we can turn this around. 

So, stay tuned – I promise you won’t be bored – and if you find you are – let me know – I may have slipped into that accountant role (you know the one I mean).  I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.  Because together, I know we can figure this one out!

It’s a beautiful, sunny day in Kewaskum, Wisconsin where I’m spending 6 days as caregiver for my 91 year-old Mom.  She’s napping right now.  Life is good. . . .

Jane