Sunday, after saying goodbye to our granddaughter following her Boston weekend with us, the wait person remarked, “Grandchildren love being with us because we always buy them anything they want”.  And, I fell into the trap of accepting one of society’s programmed beliefs about grandparents and grandchildren.  I laughed and said, “you’re right.” 

And ever since, that response has been bothering me.  Because when I stop to think for myself, my response is loud and clear, “No, you’re wrong!”  We give kids no credit for expecting more from us and life.  We fall into society’s thinking that all we need and all they want is what money can buy.  But, that is far from the truth and we do injustice to all of us when we fall unconsciously into this pattern of thinking.

The truth of the matter is, the good time was being with her from Friday night through Sunday morning with no distractions.  We were all hers—not monetarily—but mentally and emotionally.  The best times were conversations in the sauna, discovery moments at the Museum and just plain hanging out in the hotel room.  And none of these involved money.

Unfortunately, because of this programmed thinking, sometimes we use money to calm feelings of guilt when we can’t be there.  Instead of finding a few minutes of real connection, we do something with money.  But it’s not the same—and we must remember that.  It doesn’t take money to really connect with each other.  All it takes is us—all of us (without our pocketbook)—even if it’s only 5 minutes.

Thanks for the memories……..

According to a psychological study, the third Monday in January is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.  I guess we’re blue because it’s after the holidays, days are still dark and dreary and it will be months before there is another holiday.  And, along with that sadness, we are overwhelmed with new year’s resolutions being abandoned and holiday bills coming in. 

Although we wish we had the power to make the days longer and sun brighter, we don’t have a lot to say with most of those things.  And, hopefully, we all have New Year’s Solutions this year instead of abandoned resolutions (see December 30th blog).  But still, most of us have holiday bills and we’re wondering how to pay them.  Somehow the joy of giving fades when financial reality hits us in January.  It seemed like such a good idea at the time! 

Remember the old Christmas Clubs?  You would give the bank $20 each week and in early November they would give you a check for $1,050 +/- to use for your Holiday spending.  I remember feeling rich when I was presented with that check.  It didn’t even feel like my own money; it felt like a gift from the bank.  Not only did it give me cash to work with, it also gave me a budget for the holidays.  It kept me from making too many of those impulse purchases.

We need this tool even more in this credit card world we live in.  What if we paid for things in advance?  Why not take our 2010 Holiday budget, divide by 40 (number of weeks until November 1) and put it weekly into a savings account?  What a nice gift to yourself for your holiday shopping next year.  Just might do the trick to change Blue Monday into a nice, calm baby blue!

A foot and a half of snow and no sun….  Boy, do I wish I had that power!

Last week I was a guest on Marcelle Pick’s Core Balance for Women’s Health show at Hay House Radio. It was exciting to have a venue to speak passionately about how beliefs drive the bus of our financial lives. I know that without being conscious of our money beliefs we can’t make real, lasting change in our finances and now I was given a chance to tell the world!

I’ve gotten great feedback on the show from around the country (and Canada). One of the things that amazed listeners was that two of the people calling in for help were financial people themselves – a CPA and an investment person. It didn’t surprise me, though.

It just proved my point that all the knowledge and mechanical advice in the world won’t solve our problems if we don’t examine our underlying beliefs around money. Without that piece of the puzzle, we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

And, what’s worse, when we focus on only the mechanics of money, we end up thinking we are just unmotivated, irresponsible, extravagant or stupid! We quickly heap tons of shame and blame on ourselves for not doing what we know we should. And then we push ourselves into dark corners of despair or try to run from our problems. But, as they say – you can run, but you can’t hide!

I want to thank those financial professionals for calling in. Your courage gave real faces to the problem with money. It was loud and clear to everyone listening that the problem with money is not about the money – that mechanical knowledge wasn’t helping you solve your money problems. But, now armed with the new knowledge about money beliefs, you can begin to make real change with your heads held high.

Sorry – too late to listen – my fault – didn’t know the show went into oblivion…..  (Or, at least I can’t find it!).  I’ll be on again in May – this time I’ll let you know.

At the beginning of a new year (and a new decade) I’m ready to plunge right in and make waves.  Presented with the clean slate of a new year, I’m ready to march forward with plans to do things differently.  I want to make changes with my money, my food, my family, my home, my work – you name it - it’s doomed for an extreme makeover!

But then I found this old birthday card while cleaning out a drawer and it got me thinking about making waves.  My waves are usually of the tsunami variety and can overwhelm me and everyone in its path.  But does change in life have to happen like this?  What if, instead of making waves, we dropped a pebble?

Think of the ripples radiating from the single drop of that pebble.  Unlike a wave, there is nothing destructive or invasive about them.  Yet, change does happen – it just happens in small, gentle, balanced ways.

If we applied this technique to our money problems, we would make one small gesture instead of vowing to change everything, everywhere.  We would drink home coffee instead of Starbuck’s, buy store brand instead of name brand, make lunch one day a week or eat out one less time this week/month.

Each, just a drop in the bucket of our spending habits but each starting a ripple that will make a difference.  A small difference to be sure.  But if we put aside that differen¢e and don’t lose the savings elsewhere, we’ll be amazed to see how it adds up.  And, we’ll be amazed how change can happen effortlessly.  How about giving it a try?

I’m tossing the pebble.  One small step for me….